Sunday, February 28, 2010

I'm ok. I can do it.

Well hopefully I didn't run off all my readers with last Thursday's post. I kept looking over my shoulder for the men in white coats, but they never found me. I've learned a lot since that post. I learned to make a granny square, which I had been wanting to do for a few weeks now. My trip to Little Rock and back yesterday helped me not think about work for a little while, so I'm not as stressed in that area. My van is still in the shop (I don't think I mentioned that the other day), but we've got a loaner and it's under warranty, so I've convinced myself that there's nothing to stress about there either. At bible study tonight, I learned several important things. This week she talked about going through a dry spell and used a lot of Moses references. For example, remember when Moses saw the burning bush? Moses had spent 40 years in the palace and then 40 years in the desert. You don't see burning bushes in the palace, you see them in the desert. By the way, keep in mind I'm an accountant, not a Bible study leader, so this may not be word for word or in the correct order. Moses was raised in a palace and had the finest education, but was tending sheep when God spoke to him through the burning bush. This was not his dream job. It was a job he probably hated, but he did it to the best of his ability. God used this job to equip him with dedication. God taught Moses how to lead sheep, then sent him to lead people. Moses learned a lot in this job. In relating this to me and my job situation, I'm not saying I hate my job. Right now I'm so overwhelmed that I'm unhappy with my job, but I need to realize that God has me in that job to teach me something I can use later for Him. I may be like Moses and work in this job for 40 years until He thinks I'm ready to do whatever He has planned for me next. I need to do this job to the best of my ability. I don't need to give up. I don't need to look for a way out. Look what happened to Sarah--God told Abraham he would have a child. Sarah tried to HELP God by telling Abraham to have a child with her maidservant. I don't need to help God--HE IS GOD. I just need to stay where He puts me until He moves me somewhere else. He sees my struggles. He knows the desires of my heart. He also has the power to change the desires of my heart to match up with His desires. God knows my heart beats too fast. He knows I'm tired. He knows I'm overwhelmed. He knows that I don't have a tendency to come to Him when I can do it all on my own. When I can't do it all on my own, I have to lean on Him. I've also learned in this Bible study that He is not going to show me the master plan for every detail of my life. He will show me each step though. It's better to have someone riding in the car with you directing you where to go than to have a map. So anyway, I'm gonna be ok. I'm sure most of you knew that already, but I have to remind myself of that sometimes. Thank you for your prayers.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

I'm talking to myself...

If you're wanting to read a happy go lucky blog post, you might want to go elsewhere. Don't say I didn't warn you! This is gonna be a post of me talking to my imaginary friends. Hopefully I'll sort through some thoughts and feelings in this post while I'm at it. Where to start??? I can't do it all. There--I said it. I'm so overwhelmed right now I don't know which way is up. My job is so freakin hard that I don't think I can do it and I just wanna go home and climb in bed with the electric blanket cranked up and forget about the world around me. I have a wonderful family, but I seem to constantly snap at them because I'm so exhausted. I like to do my crafts, but here lately when I have a few spare minutes I'm too tired to actually sit at my craft desk. The glass etching business is going great. I've got plenty of orders to work on right now, just no time. I'm going to a ladies' bible study at church right now and I really enjoy it. The topic is learning to hear from God. I've realized through this study that I've never really followed God's plan or even asked what He wants me to do. Instead, I do what I think is best and say a quick prayer asking the God of the Universe to bless my decision. I truly believe that if I would stay where God wants me and follow the path He has made for me that life would be so much easier. I'm trying so hard to stay in His Will right now and not make rash decisions. One question that the bible study leader (on the DVD) asked was if we were so unhappy with our current state in life that we were ignoring God. I wonder if that's me sometimes. I wonder is I have put myself in this spot I'm in or if God is trying to teach me something right now. If He's trying to teach me something I hope I learn the lesson so I don't have to go through this again. I've started wondering if maybe this is a medical issue that's getting out of control. Maybe the medicine is not controlling my high heart rate as well as it used to and that's why I'm exhausted. Maybe the exhaustion is making everything so much harder to deal with. I just know I'm tired and don't see any end in sight. I'm trying to make the best of everything, but I'm still tired. I can't think about next week because I know work will be out of control stressful for me for the next 2 weeks. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just walked in my boss's office and told her that I don't have what it takes. I don't know who else could do it, but I certainly can't. Not that I'm saying I would walk in and quit, but just that I would let everyone know that I can't do it. Just admit that it's beyond me and do what little I can. How do people work a 40 hour a week job and leave it at the door when they walk out? I want to do that. I want to have job satisfaction instead of feeling like such a failure because I can't do it all. I don't want to think about home while I'm at work and I don't want to think about work while I'm at home. It's time for me to go to my Heart to Home meeting now, but I want to clarify--I have a great job. I have a great family. I have a great church family. I just feel I'm in over my head right now and can't tell which direction is up. I'll get better. I don't know how, but it will happen. God knows where I am. He sees me. He sees my struggles. I can't give up. I have to keep going because He hasn't told me to do anything different. Hopefully this long post will act as a sort of therapy and make me feel better. I will ask a few things from my readers. You can pray for me, but don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I know a few people who read my blog, but I don't know everyone who reads. I probably shouldn't share my little meltdown with the unknown, but that's a choice I have made. I hope you all have a good evening. Just a few more hours until I get to climb under the electric blanket...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The first step is admitting you have a problem...

Ok. I'm ready to admit it. I have a serious problem. When it comes to crafting, I have the attention span of a, well, I don't know what. Something with a tiny attention span. Maybe even a non-existent attention span. Here's the deal--I LOVE making things. All kinds of things. Last night I picked back up on crocheting this afghan that I started in 2001. The yarn is hideous, but there's just something therapeutic about sitting in my pj's, snuggled in my snuggie, and crocheting. So this evening after work, when I should have been catching up on my glass etching, I went to Michael's because they were having a sale on yarn.

Yep, I NEEDED all 10 thingies of yarn. And the new crochet needles because the yarn is of various sizes. And the Mickey Mouse Learn to Knit kit, because I don't know how to knit and it was on clearance for $6.99 (regular $14.99) and it says ages 8 and up and I figure if I'm 32 it should be really easy for me. Plus the knitting needles are shaped like Mickey Mouse at the top.
Yeah, I can't help it. Let's see if I can name all the crafts I've done. I've done some cross stitching, crocheting (I actually finished a few washrags a few years ago), card making, scrapbooking, sewing (the purse a few months ago and a few dresses several years ago), glass etching, t-shirt making (I forgot to share that with yall--I cut iron on vinyl with my Cricut), quilting (exactly one quilt), Christmas ornaments, and I think that's about it. I also like to read, so a few weeks ago at the library sale I bought 38 hard back books. Who knows when I'll read them, but they were 50 cents each and you can never have too many books. Oh, I've carved my own rubber stamps and made my own notebooks too. So as you can see, I have an issue with all things crafty. I have a full time job and a full time family, leaving little time for all these hobbies. Thank goodness Jason and the boys love me anyway. If anyone hears of a craftaholics anonymous meeting around my area, please let me know. Maybe someone there can teach me a new craft. Until then, I need to go learn how to make a granny square.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Brendan's birthday

Hey yall. This morning the kiddos had a birthday party to go. Joey's best friend Brendan was turning 8 and had his Mario party at the local mini golf's blacklight golf room.

From the left we have Brendan, Cole (his little brother), and Joey. Anthony refused to be in pictures today. I do have a few with him, but he's either got his hand in front of his face or he's channeling Satan with his facial expression.
Here's the card I made Brendan. I'm super proud of how it turned out. I did it all in SCAL 2 this morning. I used some features in SCAL 2 that I had never used before. Maybe I'll learn how to use everything in it before they upgrade to version 3!

Friday, February 12, 2010

My new cabinet

Last week I treated myself to a new cabinet for my desk while I was at Hobby Lobby. I love the wainescoating look at the back of the cubbies.

I still haven't decided what I'm going to put in all the little spaces, but I love thinking about it :)

Look at the cool ribbon holders on the bottom 2 sections! I filled up the top one with my spools of ribbon and then wrapped loose ribbon pieces around the bottom one. See the cute card with the strawberries? My stampin sis in Oregon sent that to me! I love the pearl accents.

I love my new cabinet! The best part was getting it for 40% off because I had a coupon.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Snow in West Monroe

Hey yall. Yeah, I know it's been a long time. So long that you know where must have frozen over, cuz it's snowing in West Monroe this evening!

The boys have been super amped up all evening. They don't have school tomorrow because of the weather. Since Monday is President's Day, they get a 4 day weekend! Jason is also off Tuesday for Mardi Gras, so he gets a 5 day weekend.
We had a blast playing in the snow, but after about 5 minutes we had to come back in because we were freezing. I guess I never really thought about how cold the snow would be.

Hopefully we will get a blizzard tonight so that my office will shut down tomorrow. If not, I'm gonna have a hard time leaving my warm bed while everyone here is still snoozing. Gotta go now. Hope yall enjoyed the snow pics!